The alternative list of the Champions League finals: Basic type of aggressive Klabautermann

So Chelsea, huh. Well, then we’d have that behind us too. Rather reminisce and listen to Buckethead: The alternative list of the Champions League – the worst of 2020/21.

The winners of the season: On their first date, Thomas Tuchel and Pep Guardioa in the Munich Bar Schumanns are said to have knocked the salt and pepper shakers around their ears while reenacting tactical operations that the waitresses would not even have dared to bring drinks – at least according to legend . A bit of this kind of action would have been good for the moderately anticipated final between Chelsea and City, which came with few surprises: The Blues won a narrow victory, like the last two clashes before. And it took Timo Werner less than ten minutes to shoot a ball a few meters away from the goal in the wrong direction. Although the striker like SkyCommentator Wolff-Christoph Fuss knew how to weld the balls so well in the final training session that his coach suggested: “Timo, tomorrow too! Please.” Well, you can’t have everything either.

Otherwise there was a lot of crying, in the game, after the game, on all sides; but we cannot confirm whether the Londoners “puked blood for joy” (again foot). But it is likely that so many Chelsea players were already licking the trophy when the medals were awarded that it was hardly compatible with the hygiene concept. And the lessons of the evening? 1. A handsome entertainer has been lost to Tuchel. 2. Referee Antonio Mateu Lahoz, of the basic type actually overreaching Klabautermann, lived up to his educational mission in an unusually unexcited manner and quickly catapulted some dying swans back into life. And 3rd: This game is a bit nicer with fans …

The musical performance of the season: And because halftime, pre-game and other shooting dead shows are always particularly important to those fans (at this point we would like to remind you of Helene Fischer in the cup final of ’17 or Anastacia at a Bayern halftime championship party), UEFA has No expense spared for the Champions League final either. The first hope that there actually Buckethead twirled one, but didn’t last long. There was always a lookalike with Marshmello, flanked by Selena Gomez and Khalid Boulahrouz, lavishly animated in a little film that the world didn’t necessarily need like that. The whole thing also had something to do with Fortnite … THESE YOUTH OF TODAY DOES NOT UNDERSTAND ANY MORE!

The season’s feedback conversation: So let’s leave this dreary endgame with all its atrocities aside and look back – surely there must have been something nice in nine months of the premier class? Yes a little. For example this conversation (in terms of content certainly close to the salt and pepper evening at Schumanns) when FC Barcelona let Paris Saint-Germain play dizzy:

Griezmann: “Calm down, Geri. Stop screaming.”

Pique: “Damn hell, Grizzi. Damn shit.”

Griezmann: “The F … your mother!”

Pique: “Fuck you. We suffer. We are played against the wall, and we have been for five minutes. Motherfuckers, we run around here like crazy.”

Griezmann: “I run too.”

The animal of the season: Which brings us to the animal of the season. “He is white, elegant and proud to be Breton,” is the somewhat dubious writing on the Stade Rennes club website. The text, which at the beginning could very well have gone in a different direction, is then only dedicated to the club mascot: an ermine. We may be a little too deeply immersed in the cosmos of these little animals, including incest and homicides of defenseless rabbits. Erminig, as Rennes’ own copy is called, not only appeared out of nowhere in the stands of the empty stadium in a somewhat psychotic manner during the (fortunately not very numerous) home games of the French, but even appeared there for one’s own social -Media appearance film at the urinal.

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