The alternative list of the Champions League: blood in the neck, snow in the eye

The first legs are over and the search for the culprit is on: In Madrid it was the place, in Seville Jesus Corona – and in Munich? Andorra and also a little too much snow in the eye. I would also like an autograph from Erling Haaland: The alternative list of the quarter-finals. (1/2)

Vibrating Nine: Big concern among the (eight remaining) Germany fans: Didi Hamann did not necessarily give the impression on Tuesday evening that he would even want Pep Guardiola as his assistant coach for the DFB team in the future! : O The tactics of the Catalans against BVB (“deliver the Norwegian, hold the ball and then vamos a ver”) was not only a bit bland, but almost backfired. Fortunately for the Citizens, however, there was Emre “Not up for the Europa League” Can, who emphatically demonstrated that he can also initiate goals in a Champions League quarter-final. Strong! Despite late compensation for BVB, it ended up how it had to come. Because: If the opponent Jesus as “swinging nine” (Wolff-Christoph Fuss), but you can only replace Thomas Meunier as Thomas Meunier, then you lose such games.

Logically prepubescent: City’s Man of the Match also wore a rather dark sky blue: In the creation of Manchester’s 1-0, Ovidiu Hategan sent Jude Bellingham’s path, shortly afterwards he kindly helped keeper Ederson; He had thought for a moment that he was Manuel Neuer, but it wasn’t and lost the ball to Bellingham, whose goal was promptly cut down by a prepubescent whistle. Does that mean “Don’t hate the player, hate the gan”? No matter. The referee assistant then proved all the bigger, and after the end of the game, for a touching reason, he picked up an autograph from Erling Haaland in the players’ tunnel. After all, Hategan was right on Tuesday: When he corrected himself after thinking he had spotted a penalty for the Skyblues. Rodrigo then touched Can’s slight excavation backwards very gently on the thigh, while the Spaniard wiped the ball away with his hand and threw himself consequently and consequently screaming on the floor and held his face. Where is Santiago Ascacibar when you need it?

Blood in the neck: The following thought experiment is often attempted. If you take a team like, let’s say: Greuther Fürth, and then put one or two world-class kickers in it, let’s say: Kylian Mbappe and Neymar – what would that look like? Would that be good then? Paris Saint-Germain was kind enough to answer these questions with “funny” and “yes” on Wednesday evening. Obviously even good enough for the defending champion, who had one of the most unnecessary defeats since then in the quarterfinals of the Zwodrei homo sapiens has straightened up (was that how it was?) caught. Antonio Mateu Lahoz, with his stupid game management, was exactly the right person for this feverish dream that has become a game: The first goal is a FIFA bug, as it were, according to the motto “If you can’t get past the new one, then through”. The next one, because – and everyone can feel here with Niklas Süle – snow just hurts your eyes. In between, Thomas Müller had to be made aware with the bilingual masterpiece “Thomas, you have blood in your neck” that he had already roughly lost one and a half liters of it. And in front of the Paris box, almost everything that got at the feet of the Reds was screwed up, tripped over and forgiven. Aggressive Director Hasan Salihamidzic had already demonstrated the necessary coolness before the game and ended Jerome Boateng’s FCB career in a field interview. The sharpness next to the lawn in the duels Hansi Flick against Patrick Wasserzieher or Müller against Sebastian Hellmann was actually right. Well, if only there was someone in the squad who knows how to score goals … But hey, the main thing is that Andorra poured two more.

Everything will be fine: But don’t panic, dear Bayern fans. After all, it is known that Benny Fuchs bet that Bayern would defend the title. And if you can still trust someone in German football, it is Mister Dreizueins.

Husbands and boyfriends: “German language difficult language” is in itself a stupid saying, but at least as much truth is inherent in it as the fact that the German language is also a beautiful one because you can do a lot with it. For example: Build compounds until you drop. SkyCommentator Martin Groß saw himself exposed to a “district sports facility atmosphere” in Madrid, for example. A nice word that with 29 letters does not even come close to the longest official words in German usage according to Duden – which would be: beef identification meat labeling monitoring task transfer law (79) and property transfer authorization transfer order (67) – but the basic vibe at Real’s home games in the “Estadio” Alfredo di Stefano describes it quite well. It didn’t help that the 2018 final was played against the guests from Liverpool. The big pro and antagonists from back then weren’t even on the pitch on Tuesday, although the Reds, even without Sophia Thomalla’s WAG (or HAB?), Slipped into the grotesque in terms of defensive behavior, for example with Trent Alexander-Arnold’s kneeling headball assistant for the opponent) to 0: 2. After all: Where we had to do without rematches á la Ramos vs. Salah, at least Jürgen Klopp was in for a riot after the final whistle. In the run-up to the game, he joked happily about his upcoming employer Real Mallorca and his bad Spanish, with which he could at most make the same joke about ordering beer, but after the final whistle hissed properly against Referee Doc Felix Brych (“Unfair!”) And: the District sports facility atmosphere (“Training ground!” / “At least in Anfield we have a real stadium again”).

Question for a friend: What joke about ordering beer?

Jesus Corona: During the week there was still great excitement when Antonio Rüdiger and Kepa A. jumped at each other’s throats in the apparently properly testosterone-bolted pile that Thomas Tuchel calls his soccer team. Just in time for the clash against FC Porto (in Seville, for reasons) everything was tippitoppi at Chelsea, any brutalities would not have really matched the “screaming pink” (again Martin Groß) costumes, uh … jerseys of the Londoners . The soccer game then? Two to Zero. The second goal shortly before the end was caused by Jesus Corona. We wanted to say for a long time that someone with that name is playing. Will never not be fun either.

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